(AFHK) Adoptive Families of Hong Kong Blog and News

Request for submissions to Sexual Offences Sub committee

Wed, 08 Aug 2018 08:39:46 GMT

Law Reform Consultation Paper - Review of Sexual Offences.pdf

It has been brought to our attention that adopted children are not appropriately protected in the current laws in Hong Kong related to incest. In the Crimes Ordinance, the existing incest offence does not cover parents who have a sexual relationship with their adopted children. Although prosecutions can be brought against sex offenders under the other laws that protect minors, we feel adopted children in our society must be treated equally by the law in every respect.

Now is the time for action! The Review of Sexual Offences Sub-Committee released a Consultation Paper with potential revisions to the law, including a suggestion that adopted children should be protected just as biological children; they invite the community to express their views by 15th August 2018. AFHK will be writing our letter to the Government, but we also urge you to take this opportunity to lobby Government and send a clear message that adopted children are entitled to the same protection against harmful crimes as biological children. We attach the following:

1) A Pro Forma (pre-written template) letter for you to either (a) add your personal details and sign or, even better to (b) amend/add to use your own words to express your views and submit to Government. The number of replies received in consultation periods matter; the Law Reform Commission reports how many are sent by the community and distinguishes between the pro forma replies and personally drafted submissions in its reporting.

Pro Forma Letter Final (1).docx

2) The Consultation Paper: In Chapter One, the paper discusses incest at length making reference to adoptive parents, marriage of adult adoptive children to parents and siblings, extension of incest law to uncles/aunts/nieces/nephews.

Law Reform Consultation Paper - Review of Sexual Offences.pdf

Letters should be sent to:

The Secretary

The Review of Sexual Offences Sub-Committee

The Law Reform Commission

4th Floor, East Wing, Justice Place

18 Lower Albert Road

Central, Hong Kong

E-mail: hklrc@hkreform.gov.hk

Please take action urgently either by email or mail before the closing date 15th of August!

Brits Beware! UK Citizenship Difficulties

Fri, 18 Dec 2015 03:50:22 GMT

What has changed?

Under the previous UK adoption law, if you were on the "Designated List", your overseas adoption would be recognised and nationality granted automatically. Hong Kong appeared on the Designated List.

This adoption law was amended in early 2014 and replaced the "Designated List" with a "Schedule". Panic and confusion ensued because Hong Kong no longer appeared in this new Schedule. Things looked even more bleak when the British Consulate, at the same time, stripped back their consular assistance to British families in Hong Kong.

What made the situation strange was that China appeared both on the Designated List and on the new Schedule. Why remove Hong Kong and not China? Was this a simple act of cleaning up countries on the list since the 1997 handover, or something more sinister by the UK legislature?

What AFHK have done

Steering Committee member, Arya Hashemi and his family, acted as a test case for applications for Biritish citizenship of their adopted child in Hong Kong.

In July 2015, their daughter was granted British nationality and we believe they were the first successful nationality application under the new UK adoption law. However, despite repeated requests, the basis for which the application was approved was not given by the Home Office.

We continued dialogue with the UK Home Office, and we are very pleased to note that on 17 December 2015, the Home Office (after many enquiries) finally gave us the answer we were looking (hoping, and praying) for.

The Home Office stated that their "understanding is that Hong Kong is covered by the inclusion of China on the [Schedule]". This means that Hong Kong adoptions are currently automatically recognised by the UK.

This will come as a massive relief to British families - both those who have adopted and those who are planning to adopt.

Are British adoptive families out of the woods?

The short answer is "no". The fact is that Hong Kong has been omitted from the Schedule. The Home Office have not committed the inclusion of Hong Kong into a formal policy or law, and they could always revise their "understanding" at any time. However, given that the Home Office has accepted applications on this basis already, it would be a difficult proposition for them to amend this policy without formal consultation. Whilst we consider the risk to be low, families should realise that a risk does still remain.

Applying for British nationality for your child

One other point of contention is the lack of consular assistance in Hong Kong. The Home Office also confirmed that, pursuant to their new guidance issued 9 December 2015 (which can be found here: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/application-to-register-child-under-18-as-british-citizen-form-mn1), applications for nationality for adopted children in Hong Kong are to be made directly to them in the UK.

The Home Office requires many originals in its consideration of nationality applications including the passports of the adoptive parents. Since the Home Office is likely to retain these originals for in excess of 6 months, this may not be feasible for Hong Kong expats because work visas need to be renewed and people may need to travel for work.

As a result, with some persuasion, the Nationality Checking Services (https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/nationality-checking-service-england/england-nationality-checking-services) may allow you to apply in person and take copies of all your documents.

The Hashemi family used the Newcastle upon Tyne branch for their application. It did mean a trip to the UK, but also it meant they could retain all their vital original documentation.

Disclaimer: This post is provided for information purposes only and readers should not make any reliance on the information therein. Adoptive families should consider the impact of their home countries' laws very carefully and seek legal assistance where appropriate.

Celine, Lea and Teo's message after the AFHK Holiday Party

Wed, 16 Dec 2015 05:36:47 GMT

Thanks Celine Joly ! Was great to see you, Lea and Teo. We're happy that you enjoyed your time and thanks for sharing this cute video. Happy Holidays!

Bid at AFHK Silent Auction and treat yourself with Exclusive La Mer products starting 50% below retail value!

Fri, 11 Dec 2015 10:54:05 GMT

Dear AFHK Members, Friends and Supporters,

Every year at our Annual Family Holiday Party, we hold a raffle and a Silent Auction to raise funds to help us sustain and grow our continuing pre and post adoption education support and outreach work.

This year, a kind donor has given us the following renowned genuine La Mer products, considered to be some of the world's best and most exclusive beauty treatments and we decided to open our Silent Auction to bidders who are unable to attend in person.

La Mer Eye Balm Intense	Retail price 1750$	Bid start 800$	Minimum increase 100$
La Mer Whitening Essence Intense	Retail price 2850$	Bid start 1200$	Minimum increase 200$
La Mer The Concentrate	Retail price 3790$	Bid start 1600$	Minimum increase 200$

*all prices are in Hong Kong Dollars

To place a bid, mail us at contact@afhk.org.hk by 5:30 pm on Saturday December 12 with:

1/ the item you would like to bid for
2/ your maximum and final bid (Please make sure you follow minimum starting price and minimum increment for your bid to be valid. All bids are firm and binding the bidder.)

Winners will be announced at the Holiday Party on December 13 and those not in attendance will be notified by email by December 20.

Last year, with your generous support we raised nearly HKD16,000 which was a remarkable result but we are hoping to do even better this year. We look forward to receiving your bids!

Thank you for playing a part at AFHK.

Louise Garnaut
Chair

AFHK Adoptive Families of Hong Kong
Growing families together for more than 20 years
HK Registered Charity no. 91/11265
GPO Box 8896 Central, Hong Kong
contact@afhk.org.hk | http://www.afhk.org.hk

AFHK Meets at the Movies to watch Inside Out

Sun, 02 Aug 2015 06:21:43 GMT

Inside Out proved to be a great movie for all ages and especially for the children! In our first "AFHK Meets at the Movies", the children learnt that it's ok to feel all types of emotions and that even sometimes you can feel multiple emotions at once. Some memories can be happy and sad, as we learnt from the characters Joy and Sadness. We would thoroughly recommend this movie for all adoptive families!

Here's some great reviews on the movie:

http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption/2015/06/why-inside-out-is-a-must-see-movie-for-adoptive-families/

https://www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/inside-out

The Top Ten Things Parents Must Tell Their Adopted Children

Thu, 23 Jul 2015 02:31:50 GMT

This list from www.creatingafamily.org is a such a great start on talking to children about adoption that we wanted to share it here on our blog:

Many parents dread having the “adoption talk”. They worry that they will make a mistake; that their child will feel different; that they will somehow burden him with information he does not need to know.

Worry not! “The Talk” is really a series of small seemingly inconsequential talks as your child ages, starting before they even understand the words and continuing until they are adults sharing these 10 basic facts.

Adoption is normal. Families are formed in different ways and all ways are great.
All children are born to a mommy and daddy. Adopted kids need to know that they grew in their birth mom’s tummy (uterus) just like other kids grew in their mom’s tummy.
Nothing they did caused their birth parents to place them for adoption. Adoptive parents have to explain what they know about why the child was adopted. They may know the exact reason or they may have a general idea that they can share. (In an open adoption, birth parents can also share.) Example:
- Suzy and John (birth parents) were not ready to parent any baby when you were born.
- We think your birth parents were very very poor and knew that they couldn’t give you what you needed.
Their adoptive parents wanted them very much and were very happy when they came.
Adoption is forever.
Their adoptive parents will have enough respect and compassion to not talk disrespectfully about their birth family.
Their adoptive parents are always open to their questions and to help them get more information.
It’s OK to have mixed emotions about being adopted.
It’s OK to love both their adopted family and birth family.
Their adoptive parents will tell them their full adoption story and not keep secrets from them about their adoption. Family secrets are destructive. Lay the groundwork for the full story during the younger year and aim to have shared the full story no later than around age 12.

Distinguished Service Award for Jan Henderson

Mon, 15 Jun 2015 23:56:35 GMT

Congratulations to Jan Henderson for receiving the AFHK Distinguished Service Award for her commitment and dedication to AFHK and to helping adoptive families in Hong Kong since 2002.

Jan will continue to work with AFHK as our joint Single Adoptive Parents Event Coordinator.

On Saturday 13^th June 2015, our Chair, Louise Garnaut, hosted a lovely evening to congratulate Jan on her amazing service to AFHK and to bring the Steering Committee together to reflect and discuss AFHK’s work.

Six crucial things about adoption that you should share with your child

Mon, 01 Jun 2015 00:43:02 GMT

Have you shared these six crucial things about adoption with your child? Thanks to "Creating a Family" website for this list of the top 6 important issues that you should share with your adopted child by the age of 6. This will give your child the vocabulary they need and will help them process their own past. http://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/6-crucial-things-kids-must-know-about-adoption-by-age-six/

Promoting Resilience in Children

Wed, 22 Apr 2015 00:04:47 GMT

Children can often express their thoughts better through play and reading books. If you missed the presentation that Cheryl Shanahan did for AFHK in January on promoting resilience in children through storybooks, read about it and filial play therapy in this SCMP article.

We are delighted to have Mary Wu from Mother's Choice Pregnant Girls Service join us for our Monthly Discussion on March 13

Fri, 27 Feb 2015 04:19:38 GMT

We are delighted to have Mary Wu from Mother's Choice Pregnant Girls Service join us for our Monthly Discussion on March 13.

Don't miss the discussion ! Register online now.

Play a part at AFHK : Volunteer as Adult Adoptee Coordinator!

Wed, 11 Feb 2015 01:45:18 GMT

If you have good communication, interpersonal, and organisational skills, are aware and informed regarding the needs and experiences of adult adoptees, active in social media, groups, or other means of connecting with adult adoptees, then the Adult Adoptee Coordinator role may be for you.

If you would like to generously contribute your time to support AFHK's outreach to potential adult adoptee members, facilitate connections between adult adoptees and other relevant parties, work with the Roots Tracing Coordinator, and much more... please get in touch with us at contact@afhk.org.hk.

We look forward to working with you !

AFHK is looking for a Treasurer and a Newly Adoptive Families Coordinator!

Wed, 04 Feb 2015 03:37:49 GMT

As a charitable organisation, all of our work depends upon the extraordinary skills of our volunteers.

Do you have accounting, finance, business, or quantitative experience or background, working knowledge of spreadsheet and accounting software applications, strong communication skills? Learn more about our Treasurer role.

If you are organised, interested in locating resources and learning about adoption best practices, have strong interpersonal skills and communication skills? Learn more about our Newly Adoptive Families Coordinator role.

If you are willing to generously share your skills and time, please get in touch with us at contact@afhk.org.hk.

We look forward to working with you!

Thanks to all of you who joined us last Thursday for our event Raising Resilient Children Using Storybooks

Sat, 31 Jan 2015 04:46:05 GMT

AFHK was honoured to host Cheryl Shanahan, Early Childhood Consultant, Play Therapist and Registered Teacher for a talk on Raising Resilient Children : Using Storybooks to Promote Social and Emotional Development.

Cheryl shared a wide range of ideas for opening up discussions with our children on different topics, building their vocabulary around emotional experiences and fostering resilience through playful expansions of stories. She also reminded us all in the room the importance of story time and the value of allowing our children to choose the books they read, even if it is the 20th time in a row.

Cheryl is a natural and easy-to-listen-to presenter and we are very grateful for her generosity in sharing these concepts and practical ideas. I believe that every person in the room; parents, professionals, waiting parents and adult adoptees took away something encouraging, useful and practical.

Virginia Spielmann

AFHK Virtual Learning Coordinator

AFHK's letter in the South China Morning Post: Help available for parents who adopt

Sat, 24 Jan 2015 01:21:00 GMT

The SCMP published AFHK's letter to the editor on Friday January 23 with the title "Help available for parents who adopt" in response to the case of charity boss Dr Nancy Chu Ping, who has been convicted of maltreatment of her four-year-old adopted son ("Charity boss punished for beating son", January 14).

Read our letter below

"Help available for parents who adopting

In response to the report on the case of charity boss Dr Nancy Chu Ping, who has been convicted of maltreatment of her adopted four year old son ("Charity boss punished for beating son", January 14), the facts given are brief, and we have no detailed knowledge of the true circumstances surrounding this worrying case.However, it does serve as a reminder that no matter who the parent is, adoptive parenting can be a challenge, as adopted and foster children have often experienced early losses and trauma.We hope that all adoptive parents have received and continue to receive education andpractical help to address the issues that surround our families.Adoptive Families of Hong Kong is here to help those touched by adoption in any way herein Hong Kong.We offer practical and emotional support to families and can be contacted online at www.afhk.org.hk

Louise Garnaut, chairwoman

Adoptive Families of Hong Kong"

Read AFHK's letter in the South China Morning Post
http://www.scmp.com/comment/letters/article/1690031/letters-editor-january-24-2015

Read the referenced article published in the SCMP on January 14 with the title: Boss of children's charity convicted of beating her adopted four-year-old son with a stick
http://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/article/1679484/childrens-charity-boss-given-12-month-probation-order-beating-her-son

Gary Stephens' interview in the South China Morning Post

Fri, 12 Dec 2014 06:18:04 GMT

A great interview with Gary Stephens in the SCMP highlighting the importance of family for all children and the detrimental effects of long term institutional care.

http://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/article/1649441/orphanages-damage-children-life-says-group-founder

AFHK's response to recent media reports concerning adoption

Thu, 26 Sep 2013 09:28:31 GMT

Many of you may have read the news from the Reuters/NBC investigation on "re-homing", a questionable method for finding new homes for children whose adoptions are dissolving. Their investigation focused primarily on uncovering the infrequent but disturbing use of re-homing over the internet, with children sometimes being handed over to individuals who were unknown and unscreened, and in the worst cases were predators. This sometimes occurred with little or no oversight by any agency, child welfare organization, or government body. For more information on this investigation, see:

http://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1. You may also find this balanced response to be helpful: http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/re-homing-after-adoption-disruptions/

The results of this investigation should have us all troubled and grieving for the experiences of these vulnerable children. It should also make us examine our own practices, as well as those of the communities we are a part of and the agencies we have worked with. Yet the re-homing controversy cannot be judged without acknowledging the tragic factors that contributed to it: the trauma and neglect of children, institutional care, under-preparation of parents, mismatches of expectation, difficulty accessing necessary resources and therapies, unavailability of qualified respite care, and a deep sense of desperation.

Every adoptive family dreams of providing a forever family for a child, but sadly, some families find themselves unprepared, misinformed, or overwhelmed with the needs of a child who has encountered trauma, neglect, or institutionalization. In some severe situations, families feel their other family members' safety is compromised. And worse yet, they find themselves feeling alone, ashamed, and without resources to face this situation.

AFHK would like to take this opportunity to encourage our families to please reach out for help from AFHK, other adoption-related organizations, or a knowledgeable professional if you find yourselves in this position. If you are encountering smaller problems, please take proactive steps to address those issues before they become bigger issues. If you are feeling isolated or paralyzed, please seek help. Though AFHK is not an adoption agency, we do have a number of resources and the membership of experienced parents and professionals, and our Monthly Parent Support Meetings are a place to share and learn from others. In addition, contact your adoption agency and ask them to assist you.

Historically, adoption has been perceived to be associated with various stigmas. It is important for all to remember that most adoptive parents are highly committed parents who want the best for their children at all times, and not all adoptive families encounter such severe difficulties. Whether our path to and within adoption is fairly simple or rather challenging, we must find our resiliency and support in this lifelong journey. AFHK will continue to advocate for well-informed training, best practices in adoption, and transparency about the risks as well as the blessings involved in becoming and being an adoptive family. We will continue to be a community that is active to inform and support others in the adoption journey, and to empower professionals to be equipped to support adoptive and foster families.

If you are someone who has support to give...if you are willing to be a parent mentor or to provide assistance for any of our ongoing efforts...please kindly consider sharing your time, talents, or resources with us. We are a volunteer-run organization, so we cannot do it alone, but, together with you, we strive to be a voice and a vehicle to see adopted and foster children and their families thrive in Hong Kong and around the world.

Together with you in the adoption journey,

Louise Garnaut, Co-Chair
Erica Liu Wollin, Professional Adoption Support Coordinator

Chair's message!

Thu, 06 Jun 2013 12:40:17 GMT

Dear Members and Friends,

For our 20^th anniversary year I think we must have suffered the wettest Spring and early Summer for many years! Unfortunately the interminable rain prevented us from holding our Annual Picnic on 27^th April and on our back up date of 4^thMay. I know many of you and your children will have been disappointed but do not despair! We hope September weather will be kinder to us so we plan to hold the Annual Picnic on Sat 21^st September. Please put it in your diaries now!

We hope that all of you who have registered will still be able to come but if not you will be refunded. Do pass the word around ~ we may attract even more families to join in the fun in September!

STOP PRESS!

Our 20^th Anniversary Gala Dinner will be held on 7^th November at Club Lusitano’s, Icehouse Street, Central. We will have a fascinating and empowering evening with the founders of AFHK kindly sharing their families’ Life journeys with us. Please put the date in your diary and do invite family and friends to join you! Watch this space for more details….

A few bits of news from the Steering Committee:-

Louise Garnaut has now stepped out of Events into the co-Chair role. Thanks Louis
Ember Goldstein, our Treasurer ,is now not leaving for Singapore, however she is taking up another role as Communications Officer after the summer once we have found a replacement treasurer.
If you are good with figures, are organised and feel you have time to commit please send us an email. We need a new Treasurer urgently!

As part of our Friday night at the movies series, last Friday May 31^st, we screened Somewhere Between, a documentary film by Linda Goldstein Knowlton that examines what it is like to come-of-age as a trans-racial adoptee in today's America. It’s had rave reviews online & our AFHK audience & friends agreed with that. If you missed it you can find more information online at http://www.somewherebetweenmovie.com/

Before you pack your bags and head off for the summer please don’t forget that we have a few fun and interesting events to close our season:-

Wed June 5^th : A Multi-Disciplinary Approach to Treating a Family with Attachment Issues, Trauma, and Special Needs.

This is a Special Professional Case Discussion for those working with Adoptive or Foster Care Families, Children at Risk, and/or Children with Trauma or Loss.

Frid 7^th June: Take A Breath: Brain-Based Strategies to Help Your Child Manage Emotion, Reduce Stress and Increase Optimism

An inspiring workshop to help us all enjoy our family holidays more ~ held at our usual PSM Friday venue!

John Shanahan and Justine Roche will discuss mindfulness and the underlying neurological processes that impact our emotions and behaviours. They will share strategies that families can use to help children increase attention, reduce stress and infuse family life with joy, optimism and mindful connection.

Plus time for teens to let off steam and enjoy the sun and sea before we all split off to various parts of the world for our hols:

Sat 15^th June: Teen Beach BBQ, VRC Beach Club, Sai Kung 2-6pm HK$200 per person – they can bring a friend too for the same price.

Please do check out the website for full details of each venue and register online!

I would like to thank you all for supporting AFHK through donations, sponsorship, volunteering and participating. All AFHK events and activities are made possible by a dedicated and passionate group of volunteers. If you have an idea for a new activity or event please consider joining our dynamic committee and be part of our success. WE WELCOME YOU!

And finally, we cannot break up for the summer without recognizing the dedication and passion with which our Steering Committee members contribute to the success of AFHK. I would like to thank all my colleagues on the Steering Committee who work hard to ensure AFHK continues to hold events at which you and your family can find friendship, support and hopefully answers too!

Have a wonderful summer!

Mina Weight ~ Co-Chair and External Relations

June 2013

Celebrate AFHK's 20th Anniversary this year!

Fri, 01 Mar 2013 16:00:00 GMT

Dear Members and Friends,

Welcome to the Year of the Water Snake, an auspicious year for AFHK as it marks the 20th Anniversary of our founding!

To celebrate this milestone year, we will unveil a very special ANNUAL DINNER this fall, with surprise guests from AFHK's historic beginnings. If you would like to get involved in the planning, contact Celine Bonnel or Louise Garnaut. And if you have any pictures or documents from AFHK's history, please consider allowing us to scan or borrow them for the celebration.

But first, the anniversary celebrations kick off with our Annual Picnic at lovely Victoria Peak Garden on 27th April. Don't miss it; there might even be a cake!

We will also continue with our ongoing programme of -

FRIDAY NIGHT at the MOVIES - special screening of U.S. hit Somewhere Between on 31st May!
Educational and supportive MONTHLY PARENT SUPPORT MEETINGS on 12th April, 10th May and 7th June

WAITING FAMILIES & SINGLE PARENT get-togethers
MORE TEEN ACTIVITIES (plus CAS hours for those who help with AFHK events like the picnic!)
SUPPORT AND CONNECTION for ADULT ADOPTEES
a new series of WEBINARS providing expert virtual content from around the world. (Last Friday's "Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens" with Debbie Riley was a big success. Among many words of advice, Debbie reminded us that the teen years are an especially important time to make sure our kids are involved with adoption networks and have the chance to be friends with other adoptees. (Hint, hint.))

We will also continue in our ongoing efforts to advocate for adoptive families and children in the HK press and beyond. To this end, recently, we did file a letter to the editor of the South China Morning Post in response to this 4th February article, but the SCMP chose not to publish it. We have published it ourselves on our Web site and our Facebook page. (While there, please don't forget to "Like" us on Facebook!)

All AFHK events and activities are made possible by a dedicated and passionate group of volunteers. If you have an idea for a new activity or event please consider joining our dynamic committee and be part of our success. WE WELCOME YOU!

I am sad to report that Ember Deitz Goldstein, our Treasurer and more since 2008, will be moving to Singapore with her family this July. So, in addition to the volunteer positions already available, we now are in need of a new Treasurer. Please contact Celine Bonnel if you have such skills to offer. Details of this and other positions can be found here.

Finally, but certainly not least, I would like to offer my heartfelt thanks to our donors and sponsors. AFHK have experienced tremendous growth, in numbers of members and donations, amount of donations and also in quantity and quality of programmes over the last few years. This growth would not be sustainable without the support of our generous donors and sponsors.

For a list of all the events and programmes that our sponors, donors and volunteers made possible last year, do take a look at “2012 Events at a Glance ”.

On behalf of my colleagues on the AFHK Steering Committee, I would like to wish you all a very happy, healthy and fruitful Year of the Snake, and I look forward to celebrating our 20th Anniversary with you and your family.

Mina Weight ~ Chair and External Relations

AFHK Response to 4 February article on British Chinese Adoptees (UNPUBLISHED)

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 09:45:15 GMT

N.B. This letter was never published by the SCMP

Dear SCMP Letters editor,

We write regarding “Hong Kong orphans subjected to racism in Britain: report” (4th February), which claims the British Chinese Adoption Study has “raised concerns about whether local organisations arranging interracial adoptions place enough emphasis on preliminary guidance”. We acknowledge the heartache of some Hong Kong-born adoptees placed fifty years ago in homogenous, white UK communities with little support toward building their own identities. While we believe the situation of transracial adoptees has improved dramatically since, we agree Hong Kong could do more to support adoptive families, both same-race and transracial, post-adoption, and we are working toward filling that gap.

Adoptive Families of Hong Kong (AFHK) is a registered charity celebrating its 20th year as one of few organizations offering both pre- and post-adoption support to adoptive families, adult adoptees and parents waiting to be matched. It aim to provide access to the most current, relevant information on adoption-related issues. Readers may be interested to know other studies find the most important factor determining whether transracial adoptees experience racism is not the race of their adoptive family but rather the family's commitment to living as a mixed-race family and raising their children in diverse communities.

AFHK hosts a free, monthly Adoptive Parent Support meeting where we discuss these issues and many others, including talking with children about adoption, searching for birth parents, attachment and bonding, and issues adoptees face in the classroom. We also host social gatherings for our diverse community of families, encouraging our children to connect and find support in each others’ common experiences.

Additionally, AFHK advocates on adoption-related issues. To this end, we would like to encourage the SCMP to follow up on its own 22nd July 2012 article by Elaine Yau, which stated that children with special needs “often languish in the adoption pool and grow up in institutional homes”. Why is it that most Hong Kong children with special needs who also need a family must go overseas to find one? Why is it that most Hong Kong children who are not adopted by age three must go overseas as well? This lack of local support for our most precious resource, our children, is a serious problem worthy of leading the news. We look forward to hearing more from the SCMP about it.

Mina Weight, Chair
Ember Deitz Goldstein, Treasurer
Erica Liu Wollin, Psy.D., Adoption Resources and Support Coordinator

ADOPTIVE FAMILIES OF HONG KONG
afhk.org.hk

Mother's Choice CEO responds to SCMP: Delays in Adoption Cause Permanent Damage to Children

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 16:00:00 GMT

Delays in adoption cause permanent damage to children

A couple and their four adopted children in Reeseville, Wisconsin. Photo: AP

I refer to the report regarding the experiences of children adopted overseas ("HK orphans 'subjected to racism in Britain'", February 4).

The article was unhelpful and misleading about best practice for adoptive children. It failed to inform readers of the reason that Britain is reducing the importance of race in adoptions: black children are taking 50 per cent longer to be adopted.

No one disputes that race matters - but delays in adoption matter far more.

All adopted children are likely to struggle with issues of identity, including race.

Adoptive parents need to be made aware of that process. However, children are still better off with permanent loving families of a different race than without any family at all.

Delays in adoption cause unnecessary and permanent damage to children at a critical stage in their development. Such delays harm their brain development, as well as their ability to maintain healthy relationships and function in society.

Long delays also cause a child's chances of being adopted to fall precipitously - to practically zero for those over the age of three in Hong Kong.

The lesson of The Observer article and British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) study mentioned in your report is that parents should be prepared to help their adopted children deal with issues of race - not that race should be allowed to dominate the adoption process.

No child should be left without a family simply because a perfect ethnic match cannot be found. I am grateful for the advances in training and support for adoptive parents, so that fewer adoptive families will face the experiences described in 1960s Britain.

The children in the BAAF study came from orphanages in Hong Kong in the 1960s that were overcrowded and full of abandoned children, with little or no hope for adoption locally. I note that none of the children currently available for international adoption in Hong Kong have any chance for adoption locally, as almost all have special needs.

Sadly, Hong Kong has not been very accepting of children with special needs. Very few of these children have ever been adopted in Hong Kong, and most will be adopted to the US.

Our hope at Mother's Choice is that every child born in Hong Kong will have a permanent family, no matter what their race or special need, and that no child will have to grow up in an institution. Every child deserves to have a family.

Alia Eyres, chief executive officer, Mother's Choice

SCMP: Hong Kong orphans subjected to racism in Britain: report

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 16:00:00 GMT

SCMP: Hong Kong orphans subjected to racism in Britain: report

Stuart Lau stuart.lau@scmp.com

Difficulties of girls taken away in 1960s by adoptive parents are revealed, with many complaining of prejudice and alienation

Hong Kong orphans taken away by their adoptive British parents in the 1960s experienced racism, prejudice and alienation, according to a UK report [1].

The findings have raised concerns about whether local organisations arranging interracial adoptions place enough emphasis on preliminary guidance for interested parents.

It has also led to calls for Britain to review its adoption reform proposals [2] and consider the long-term impact on children adopted by parents of a different race.

The report by the British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) was published in The Observer newspaper on Sunday.

The 72 Hong Kong-origin respondents were among more than 100 girls sent to mainly white families during the 1960s.

They said common experiences included "varying levels of racism, prejudice and feelings of belonging and difference within their adoptive families and wider communities".

Fifty-four per cent said they felt "uncomfortable" hearing remarks that they looked different from their adoptive family and three-quarters admitted they wanted to look less Chinese.

For a minority, the report said, "race-based bullying" and discrimination "had a substantial negative impact on their well-being". The BAAF added: "For some women … separation from their birth family and being Chinese in the UK has proved to be difficult."

Race-based bullying and discrimination had a substantial negative impact on their well-being

Figures from the Social Welfare Department show there were 26 overseas applications for adopting a Hong Kong child pending by the end of last year.

There were also 191 local applications and 19 "private" applications from people such as the children's relatives.

A total of 110 children were available for adoption at the end of December. None of them was described as "normal and healthy" and 71 were disabled.

Currently, the department accredits three non-governmental organisations - International Social Service Hong Kong Branch, Mother's Choice and Po Leung Kuk - with arranging inter-country adoptions.

Neither the department nor any of the service providers were available for comment on Sunday.

Social welfare sector lawmaker Peter Cheung Kwok-che calls on the adoption service providers to take a more forward-looking approach when communicating with would-be parents. Photo: Oliver Tsang

Social welfare sector lawmaker Peter Cheung Kwok-che, of the Labour Party, called on the groups to adopt a more forward-looking approach when communicating with would-be parents.

He said: "In the second interview of the screening, for instance, parents should be reminded, at a later stage, to prepare their children against future discrimination."

But he added it would not be appropriate for follow-up evaluations to be carried out on the adoptive families.

The department says on its website its priority is to place children with families "of the same cultural or ethnic background".

It adds: "Inter-country adoption should only be [for those] in need of a permanent adoption placement, but where no suitable local homes are available to them." It said this usually applies to older children or those with special needs.

Additional reporting by The Observer

Topics:

Racism

Orphan

International Adoption

Britain

Hong Kong People

British Association for Adoption and Fostering

Source URL (retrieved on Mar 1st 2013, 5:14pm): http://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/article/1142790/hong-kong-orphans-subjected-racism-britain-report

Links:
[1] http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/feb/03/hong-kong-orphans-uk
[2] http://w.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/feb/03/tory-plans-for-interracial-adoption-challenged

Authorities to encourage adoptions in wake of fire at Henan orphanage

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 16:00:00 GMT

Authorities to encourage adoptions in wake of fire at Henan orphanage

Following fatal fire at orphanage, ministry says it will encourage adoptions and may smooth path for NGOs to set up facilities

Minnie Chan minnie.chan@scmp.com

A child in the care of a Shanghai orphanage. The Ministry of Civil Affairs has said that only a minority of counties have government-funded homes for children. Photo: Reuters

The Ministry of Civil Affairs will formulate rules to encourage individuals and families to adopt orphans, as well as mulling regulations to make it easier for NGOs to set up children's homes on the mainland, state media reported.

The ministry's plan was announced amid public anger over dereliction of duty by authorities after a fire killed five boys and two girls, all aged four or five, at an unlicensed private orphanage in Henan's Lankao county last Friday.

"The Lankao fire has exposed leaks in our orphan assistance system. The ministry must learn the painful lesson," ministry spokesman Wang Laizhu told the People's Daily on Wednesday.

"We will enhance our orphan assistance capacity by making efforts to perfect our regulations on individual adoption and on orphanages run by non-governmental organisations."

The ministry says the mainland has some 615,000 orphans. It said government-funded child-welfare agencies had been set up in only a minority of counties, with only 109,000 orphans having been taken in by 400 such agencies across the country. More than 80 per cent of orphans were cared for by relatives, guardians or private orphanages.

Under the mainland's one-child policy, families that already have a child are banned from adopting an orphan. Many parents also abandon babies born with disabilities for another chance to have a healthy baby.

Professor Ai Xiaoming, a specialist in the welfare of children and women at Guangzhou's Sun Yat-sen University, said a lack of respect for life on the mainland and the absence of a comprehensive social-welfare system would hinder the reform of orphan care, especially when many orphans were abandoned because of their disabilities.

"Life has never been respected in our totalitarian society. We should realise that adoption is an act of respect for life," Ai said.

"In Western countries like the United States, local governments provide training courses for families who are planning to adopt disabled children."

Ai also highlighted the free medical support in the US for children with disabilities, calling it a key reason why American families adopted hundreds of disabled baby girls from China every year.

"What the US has done is not brag about their achievements, but show a common value - respect for life," she said.

"In our society, under the slogan of 'maintaining social stability', will our government dare take responsibility for social welfare and take care of the human rights of families or NGOs when they demand government support for disabled children?"

Professor Wang Ming, from Tsinghua University's NGO Research Centre, said encouraging non-governmental organisations to play a role in the care of orphans was the best approach to solving the problem.

"The ministry's figures show us that they couldn't get the job done over the past decades," he said, adding that officials focused more on bureaucratic procedures and advancement than on service delivery.

International Adoptions Plummet Globally (Source: AP News)

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:00:00 GMT

Click here to read this article on how international adoption numbers have decreased dramatically all around the world -- to the lowest point in 15 years. Story by The Associated Press.

AFHK Article in SCMP Family Post

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 04:00:00 GMT

Charity helps adoptive families and adoptees in Asia

A local charity is providing much-needed support for adoptive families by helping them connect with each other, writes Liana Cafolla

Celine and Herve Bonnel maintain an open conversation with their children Teo and Lea about their adoption. Photos: Edmund So

When Mina Weight and her husband, Guy Facey, found they could not have children, they knew exactly what they wanted to do - adopt from China. It was a country they knew and loved; both had travelled extensively in the country on business and spoke fluent Putonghua. But they had to break down walls of bureaucracy and incomprehension in their native Britain before they could make that dream come true.

The mainland was not on Britain's list of accepted adoptive source countries when Weight and her husband began their adoption battle 20 years ago. Joining other would-be adoptive parents in a lobbying campaign, they eventually convinced the British government to add to the register and, in 1993, the couple became the first people in Britain to adopt legally from China. Their two mainland-born daughters, Alice and Louisa, are now in their late teens.

But as Weight discovered, being at the head of a pack was not necessarily a good place to be. "You feel so alone, you don't know what's going on ... And then once your child arrives [there's] the shock of suddenly being a parent after waiting so long," she says of those early years. Raising her daughters in Britain was difficult without a support network, especially at a time when overseas adoption was viewed with misgivings by some in the community.

Mina Weightwith her daughter, Louisa Facey.

So after she and her family relocated to Hong Kong four years ago, she soon became an active member of Adoptive Families of Hong Kong (AFHK), the only charity in Asia that connects adoptive families, adoptees and professionals. Now serving as chair of its committee, Weight, a homeopath, is eager to spread the word about the help and encouragement fellow adoptive parents can give each other.

"We're here for people to make friends, to connect with others who have been through a similar process and have had children in a similar way, and for their children to have fun with other children."

Many parenting issues for adoptive families are no different from those confronting biological parents: How do you train your child to sleep? How do you choose the right school? How can you teach your child to respect themselves and others?

Adoptive parents, however, are likely to face additional decisions. When and how do you tell your child that he or she is adopted? How can you teach your child to be proud of their birth culture? How do you and your child deal with intrusive questions about adoption? These are just some of the issues that AFHK helps adoptive parents and their children to cope with.

Perhaps AFHK's greatest strength it that is run by adoptive parents whose advice is based on their own, often hard-won, experience. Seven of the eight volunteers on its steering committee are adoptive parents (the exception is an adult adoptee).

Discussions at the group's regular support meetings range from practical matters such as getting a Hong Kong identity card for their child, or sorting out citizenship to more thorny questions of identity.

As treasurer Ember Deitz Goldstein has learned from discussing adoption with her sons, even the most progressive parents can stumble.

"We talked about our sons' adoption stories with them in different ways from the day they came home, and I really thought we were being very open and clear about it with them," she says. "But then when my older son was not yet three years old, I read Joanna Cole's children's book How I Was Adopted to him. I made a classic mistake of not reviewing the book before I read it to him, so I wasn't prepared for the page that shows a fetus inside the birth mother's uterus. My son realised when he saw that picture that it meant he had not been inside my uterus, and it made him incredibly sad."

Nevertheless, Deitz Goldstein managed to turn the situation around and use it to deepen her bond with her son. "Would I have preferred that he was a bit older before we dealt with this part of his story? Sure," she says. "But in the long run, his understanding of this fundamental part of his adoption story has helped us form a bond."

With many people adopting across cultures, additional pressures arise because the physical differences make a "conspicuous family", she says. "Because of that, you have to prepare yourself, I think, if you want your kids not to be traumatised one day by the person who comes up and ask a question that is a completely uneducated question."

French teacher Celine Bonnel finds being able to share such knowledge helpful. She joined AFHK in search of information and real-life experiences when she and her husband Herve, an environmental consultant, were about to adopt their first child in 2007. The Bonnels now have two children - Lea, 5 ½, and Teo, 3 ½ - and maintain an open, ongoing conversation with them about their adoption.

"My husband and I have told both our kids how they were adopted from the day we took them home, adding more details as time goes on and as they ask questions," says Bonnel, who teaches French part time. "We introduced the words 'adoption' and 'adopted' very early on so they could actually say the words just like any other word, it's part of their vocabulary. We read them children's books about adoption in French and English. From the time they were very young babies, we've shown them pictures of the first day we met them, and the video of when they came home after they said goodbye to their respective foster families. And they still ask regularly to watch those videos and see the pictures."

Having benefited from others' hard-earned wisdom, the only way to give back is to volunteer her time, says Bonnel, who now serves as AFHK chair for membership.

One of the toughest issues for adoptive parents is when adopted children begin to search for their birth parents - tracing their roots, and it's one many families dread.

"The fear - the almost primal fear - of an adoptive parent is that the child at some point might reject them and return to their biological parents, which is a fantasy," says Weight.

While Weight has no such anxieties, especially now that her daughters are older, she wasn't nearly so confident before meeting her elder daughter, Alice, for the first time. She had previously been cared for by a foster family and "I was really scared that at five months old, she would take a look at this strange gweilo and burst into tears", Weight recalls. Instead, Alice fell asleep in her arms during the long drive back to their hotel; the tears came when she woke up later.

"She cried for hours," Weight recalls. "She must have realised I did not have the same smell, sound, touch, and so on, of her foster mother. Eventually, after I paced up and down the hotel room for hours, trying to give her a bottle, she relaxed, took her first bottle from me, and fell asleep. I did not sleep a wink!"

The fact is adoptees almost never reject their adoptive parents, Deitz Goldstein says. "The reason why you read stories about it is because it's so rare. Just because your kid wants to explore their roots and understand more about their background doesn't mean that you're going to lose them."

But for Bonnel, rejection remains a niggling worry: her children are half-siblings and she reckons that makes it more likely they will search for their shared birth mother.

"We do think about it; we hope that we are making everything as right as possible to avoid rejection," she says. "In our case, we pretty much know that at some point they will go through the root-tracing process ... being half-siblings, they are very, very close and they will motivate each other in that search. We will, of course, respect and support whichever actions they want to pursue when it is age appropriate."

Adoptees often start to trace their roots when they're about to take a major life decision - such as marrying or having a baby - highly emotional times at which adult adoptees need extra help, says Deitz Goldstein. "Support is really valuable at this time," she says. "We want to help provide that and link people up with the sort of therapy and help that can take them on the journey with them. You don't know what you'll find if you knock on that door."

That's not to say they believe adoptees should not retrace their past. "We're just saying prepare yourself and don't go it alone in trying to connect with biological family because it can be traumatic. It can be wonderful - you don't know."

Well-meaning people sometimes attribute charitable motives to parents who adopt and regard their action as a kindness, Deitz Goldstein says, but it's the opposite.

"So we try to say that we just wanted to be parents, and we're the lucky ones because these children are in our lives."

familypost@scmp.comTo find out more about AFHK, go to afhk.org.hk

Janette Pepall: An Adoption Pioneer

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 03:00:00 GMT

Janette Pepall: An adoption pioneer, by Liana Cafolla

Janette Pepall

Organising an array of thought-provoking seminars and workshops for counsellors, parents and their helpers, a new steering committee at Adoptive Families of Hong Kong has been breathing new life into the group.

Australian consultant Janette Pepall was the keynote speaker at a series of talks last month. She pioneered the fostering and adoption of Hong Kong children with disabilities during the 1990s, and now provides training for people dealing with children at risk.

A warm, motherly woman from Melbourne who has five adopted children from across Asia in addition to a birth child, Pepall speaks from personal as well as professional experience.

While all parenting is difficult, she says, it can be even more so for parents of adopted children. "They might have lived in an institution or they've been moved around a lot [or] they haven't been cared for properly," she says. "So we've got to deal with the identity issues, the loss issues, their resiliency."

Groups such as AFHK are important because they give adoptive parents an opportunity to share concerns with others in a similar situation who understand the issues and who do not judge.

Pepall advises adoptive parents to tread a fine line between sharing the fact of their child's adoption with others, and protecting the child's privacy, especially while they are at school.

"They're going to get questions, they're going to be teased, even if they look similar," says Pepall. In the case of her adopted children, who now range from 31 to 41, she used a combination of humour and firmness and practised role-plays to prepare her children for what they were likely to face.

"Children will often say, 'where are your real parents? How come they gave you up? Where are they? You must have been a bad baby'," she says. "Children can become very defensive and feel very upset about that, but [you can] empower the child, around [the age of] seven or eight, to choose a response. You can choose to ignore it - you can teach a child that it's OK, you can just walk away. You can respond with humour. You can say, 'thank you, but it's none of your business'. For us, that's usually what our children said. We taught them that their history is their private business."

For parents with children from another culture, helping them connect with their birth culture can help build confidence.

"Encouraging the child to be proud of their heritage is vital," she says. "It's part of their self-esteem - the identification of self.

"For instance, for our children, we had videos, we had books, we belonged to the Sri Lanka society, the Vietnamese society, the Chinese society. We went to special events, they wore national costume, I learned how to cook their food. That builds their self-esteem, that makes them proud of their heritage.

"Here, I would advise the same thing. If they're Chinese, they need to be aware of the culture. And how wonderful if they can learn to speak Mandarin or Cantonese. I think it's part of their identity. We need to value that and encourage it."

For more information about Pepall's work, go to janettepepall.com

Crystal Kwok of RTHK Radio 3 invited Janette Pepall and AFHK to Kwok Talk today.

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 05:30:00 GMT

Click here to listen to RTHK Radio 3's broadcast of an interview on "Education and Its Joys and Challenges" with AFHK keynote speaker Janette Pepall and AFHK Steering Committee member Louise Garnaut.

N.B. Those using Apple computers may need to install either RealPlayer or Flip4Mac (to play using Windows Media).

Chair's message: Welcome to the start of a new AFHK season!

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 06:14:06 GMT

Dear Members and Friends,

Welcome back! I hope you and your families had some restful and happy times over the summer wherever you were. This year AFHK are beginning the Autumn season with a bang!

On Wednesday, the 19^thof September (just 4 weeks away), we will welcome Australian social worker, adoptive parent of 6, and educator Janette Pepall to Hong Kong for a special series of events.

That evening, Janette will give the keynote address, "'Yes, They Are All Ours!': Reflections on a Parenting Journey including Birth, Fostering and Adoption”, at our Annual Dinner. Tickets are available here – and the Early Bird price has been extended until 31^stAugust!

Meanwhile, the series will have already begun that morning, with a Case Consultation Workshop for Professionals involved with adoption and fostering, led by Janette and supported by Erica Liu Wollin, Ph.D., our in-house psychologist and adoptive parent.

On Thursday morning, Janette and Erica will present AFHK's first-ever Domestic Helpers Training on Adoption Sensitivity, along with a post-training debriefing/bag-lunch for Employers on Friday midday.

Just a note on the Helper training: We have been asked many times over by our members to provide this kind of workshop, so we are thrilled now to offer it with Janette, who has trained childcare providers working in orphanages and foster homes all over the world. Don't miss this opportunity. The training will arm your helper with positive adoption language to cope with curious, intrusive questions about your children. It will also provide vital, basic information about adoption and about attachment. We also strongly recommend that you attend the de-briefing on Friday so you can assist your helper to use and reinforce the skills we will teach them.

Finally, on Thursday evening, Janette will lead a special Parent Support Meeting entitled – “Education and its Joys and Challenges for Children of Adoption.

Early Bird pricing for ALL EVENTS IN THE SERIES has been extended until 31^stAugust, so please click here for more information and to purchase your tickets.

I especially want to thank all our volunteers who have worked so hard over the summer organizing these events, improving the Web site, answering enquiries etc. Also a heartfelt thank you for all your generous donations which have enabled us to bring these events to you this Autumn.

We always need help, so please consider AFHK when looking for something interesting and fulfilling to do with your free time. You can help at a single event, by offering your IT or marketing skills or even join our Steering Committee. Many hands make light(er) work! So please do come and create a caring, fun and informative organization.

Next year we will be celebrating our 20^thAnniversary, so watch this space!

Looking forward to seeing you all at some of the events in September.

Mina Weight
Chair and External Relations

SCMP Letter to the Editor

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 04:00:00 GMT

Wonderful way to form a family

On behalf of Adoptive Families of Hong Kong, I would like to commend Elaine Yau on the positive and encouraging article in Family Post on adoption in Hong Kong ('The chosen few', July 22).

Couples who are beginning their adoption journey and families who have already adopted may like to know that our volunteer-run charity (www.afhk.org. hk), which was established nearly 20 years ago in Hong Kong, is here to provide them with support, encouragement, information and social activities for all the family.

Adoption is a wonderful way to form a family and empirical studies have shown overwhelmingly that it is a great success.

Of course, bringing up children is never easy, and with adopted children sometimes there are unique challenges to overcome.

For members we hold monthly parent support meetings in which we discuss everything from behavioural issues to roots tracing.

These are organised and supported by a professional psychologist and social worker who are also adoptive parents.

Next month we are organising a series of workshops led by our Australian guest speaker, social worker and adoptive parent, Janette Pepall.

Several of these workshops will be on how to talk about adoption with your child, family, helper, friends and the wider public.

Like any other family we all want to have fun together.

Throughout the year we plan a range of social activities for all age groups, including our annual summer picnic on Victoria Peak, festive party with Santa, book club, teen events, dinners and other casual get-togethers for members of our community, which includes families waiting to be matched with a child, two- parent and single-parent families, and adult adoptees.

We hope that more couples will consider adoption as a way of building their family and that families living in Hong Kong who have already adopted will consider joining the vibrant and diverse adoption community that makes up our organisation.

Mina Weight, chair and external relations, Adoptive Families of Hong Kong

The Chosen Few (SCMP article on Hong Kong domestic adoption)

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 04:00:00 GMT

The chosen few, by Elaine Yau

When Connie Wat Hong-ying and her husband Philip Cheng told their families six years ago that they wanted to adopt, her parents and in-laws baulked. Both sides wanted the couple to have children who would maintain the family bloodline.

'I was just 30 then, and they said I should try to conceive for longer,' Wat says. 'We kept explaining that we really wanted to be parents, and adopting a baby could make our wish come true.'

Wat and her husband had been advised to seek fertility treatment but both had ethical concerns, and went ahead with their plan.

For all the doubts expressed about adopting, the family elders' objections quickly faded when Wat brought home a 14-month-old baby named Abby in 2007.

'They fell in love with her at first sight. They are the ones who spoil her the most now,' says Wat.

A new member joined their family three years ago when Wat finally conceived and gave birth to a girl named Elly. 'I am glad Abby has a companion. They play with each other all the time now.'

Figures from the Council on Human Reproductive Technology show that the number of fertility treatments in Hong Kong nearly doubled from 4,693 in 2009 to 7,749 in 2010 (including donor insemination, artificial insemination by husbands and other reproductive technology procedures).

Although the figures on fertility treatments do not directly correlate to the number of people seeking treatment (one person may try several times, using different methods), the sharp rise suggests there is a significant pool of people eager to have children.

Yet the increase in local adoptions is low by comparison: there were 96 cases last year, compared with 83 in 2008.

Wat, the supervisor of adoption services with Mother's Choice charity, says the slow rate of adoption shows most Hong Kong people cling to traditional concepts of having biological offspring.

'They think a child with their own blood is better than one without,' she says.

Adopting is a big step, of course. 'Parents must be 100 per cent certain that they are ready for adoption and not have any doubts about raising a child with no blood links,' Wat says.

Few were better prepared for adoption than Wat, who had worked in adoption services for five years before she was introduced to Abby.

'Adoption is a lifelong commitment. It's more than simply bringing a child home. The child comes with a past that parents and child have to live with for the rest of their lives,' she says.

'Many adoptive children, especially the older ones, lack a sense of security. Some of them might have switched abodes and foster parents a couple of times before they finally got adopted.

'Even those who are adopted straight from the institution can lack trust in people. The carers cannot fulfil all the babies' needs, and their craving for physical touch is sometimes not satisfied.'

That's why organisations providing adoption services, such as International Social Service and Mother's Choice, encourage adoptive parents to go out of their way to help their children shake off the sense of alienation that comes with abandonment.

Abby's response was typical. Although just over a year old at the time, she was visibly anxious and stressed when she first came to live with Wat and her husband.

'She lived in a foster home for a year before meeting us and clung to her foster mother [at the introductory session],' Wat says. 'She became frightened that her foster mother was no longer around. She refused to eat and would cry whenever I put her down. It took three months for her to like us.'

All adoptions by local families were conducted through the Social Welfare Department until 2010. Then the government authorised three organisations - Po Leung Kuk, International Social Service and Mother's Choice, which previously only handled overseas adoptions - to vet applications and match children with prospective parents.

The process can take between a few months to several years. All applicants must pass rigorous vetting to ensure the child can enjoy a decent standard of living in the adoptive family, says Anita Ng Yuen-han, ISS' director in Hong Kong.

For instance, couples must have been married for at least three years.

'Their marriage must be stable and the parents must earn decent salaries,' says Ng. 'Adoptive parents come from all walks of life. Some young couples turn to us after they fail to conceive a baby through artificial insemination. Others have concentrated on career achievements and by the time they want to have children, they have missed [their chance].'

Applicants may specify the age range and gender of the child, but other than that, they do not have a say over who they adopt, Ng says.

'We don't want any child to face any rejection,' she says. 'But we make sure prospective parents get all the information about the child - [the agency would spell out any medical problems so the applicants can make an informed decision, for example] - and accept it before we arrange for them to meet.

'But those who consider adoption are always kind people. They always fall in love with the children at the first meeting.'

Wat says all adoptees have a portfolio about their origins that enables them to learn about their past when they grow up.

'The portfolio constructs the whole story of why the child is here, with pictures of his place of birth, how he wound up in an institution or foster family, his favourite nurse in the institution and so on,' she says. 'It also records all the milestones in his life, like the day he first met his adoptive parents right up until the day he leaves the institution. Everyone should know about their origin, as it forms a part of their identity.'

With adoptions from abroad, agencies such as ISS, which has organised inter-country adoption for 50 years, require prospective parents to undergo training before the process can proceed.

'Parents should exercise extra patience with children who might suffer from developmental delay because of institutionalisation after birth. Living for a long time in a group with strict schedules also makes it difficult for them to adapt to home life,' says Ng.

'One of the important parts of training is teaching parents how to tell the children that they were adopted. They must tell them as soon as possible. If they are told by a third party, instead of their adoptive parents, or find out after they grow up, the news will come as a shock.'

With Abby, Wat has taken a matter of fact approach. She made it clear early on that she was adopted and her daughter took the news in her stride. 'Everybody, including our friends and relatives, knows about the adoption, so they no longer see it as an issue. It's just the story of where she came from. We have a picture of her biological parents, which Abby treasures.

'She tells me she sometimes misses them, and I've promised that we will try to find them later. I wrote a letter to her biological parents through the Social Welfare Department, but they no longer live at the correspondence address. I told her that to prepare her for never seeing them again.'

Anyone wishing to reunite with their biological parents or children after they grow up must get the consent of the other party before they get into contact.

Jacob Weisman, 19, who was adopted by an American couple from an orphanage in Mong Kok when he was two months old, is curious about his origins.

Now in Hong Kong on an internship with an entertainment website, the Berkeley economics and law student is glad to be able to return to his birthplace.

'I thought about looking for my biological mother. I don't know her, but it's part of my history. It will be interesting to know what happens with her,' he says.

Weisman had asked his adoptive parents about what led to his adoption and doesn't blame his biological mother for deciding to give him up.

'She was really young then,' he says. 'She and her boyfriend were not ready for marriage and the boyfriend's family did not want to have a kid unless they were married. She knew she couldn't take care of a baby by herself, so she put me up for adoption. In her situation, it was possibly the best option for her.'

In any case, his adoption not only led to a new life in the US, it gave him three siblings. One of them, Caitlin, came from the same orphanage. Also on an internship in Hong Kong, 22-year-old Caitlin was adopted when she was just three months old.

'Although we were too young to remember anything then, we know we always knew each other. We are not biologically related, but seem to look more and more similar as we grow up,' Jacob says.

Caitlin and Jacob studied at the Chinese International School and lived in Hong Kong until 2006, when the entire Weisman family moved back to the US. Their mother, a social worker, gave birth to a daughter and son after adoption.

An architecture student at the Rhode Island School of Design, Caitlin says she loves having a big family. 'We play basketball and cards. We get enough people to have two teams, one of boys and the other of girls. My younger brother and sister have red hair but they think they are Chinese because of us.'

Jacob says because he and Caitlin are about the same age, they are close to each other.

'It's not because we are adopted. My elder sister takes care of me. We didn't really talk when we were younger. But as we grow older, we talk about everything - like love troubles and studies.

'She lives on the east coast and I live on the west coast [of the US], but we see each other all the time during the holidays,' Jacob says.

'The way we see [our adoptive parents] is not that we are grateful to them because they take care of us. We just see them as our parents. They treat us the same [as their biological children].'

AFHK's Ember Deitz Goldstein joins Mother's Choice CEO Alia Marwah and adoptive mom Amy Tadelis on RTHK

Thu, 24 May 2012 05:30:00 GMT

Click here to listen to the interview with Crystal Kwok of RTHK Radios 3's Kwok Talk as Ember, Alia and Amy discuss issues facing adoptees, adoptive families, prospective adoptive parents and children in need of forever families in Hong Kong.

N.B. Apple computer users may need to install Flip4Mac to listen via Windows Media Player or install RealPlayer to stream RTHK radio broadcasts to Apple computers.

SCMP Letter to the Editor

Sun, 10 Oct 2010 04:00:00 GMT

Supporting adopted children on the journey towards self-discovery

We commend the South China Morning Post (SEHK: 0583, announcements, news) for covering the Hong Kong-born adoptee reunion with Angharad Law's thoughtfully written article ("A search for roots", October 6). It is very gratifying to read a sensitive piece on the topics of adoption, adoptees, birth families and the need for each person to know him or herself by understanding where they came from.
As a non-profit society supporting adoptive families in Hong Kong, we believe in encouraging, rather than denying, our children the rights to know about and reconnect with their birth mothers and families if they choose to do so.
We see in these Hong Kong returnees the futures of our own children adopted from Hong Kong and elsewhere, and we want the roots-tracing process to be as straightforward and transparent as possible for them.

Unfortunately, though much progress has been made on this front in the past decade, we hear enough stories of frustration on the part of Hong Kong-born adoptees to surmise that more needs to be done by the Hong Kong government and relevant NGOs to ensure that adoptees have every opportunity to learn about and/or reconnect with their birth families.

As adoptive parents, we do not pretend it will be easy for us when many of our children begin the search for their birth parents (usually after the age of 25).

But, following on decades of research, as well as first-person narratives of adult adoptees, we know that the best way to ensure our children's inner strength, their sense of self, and, indeed, our own relationships with them, is to be honest with them about their history from the very beginning, and to support them on their journeys towards self-discovery.

In fact, one might same the same thing about parenting any child.

For parents who have questions about these or related adoption issues, we run a monthly support group ( in English, free of charge). Information can be found on our websitewww.afhk.org.hk

Mary J. Child, chair; Ember Deitz Goldstein, treasurer; Adoptive Families of Hong Kong

(AFHK) Adoptive Families of Hong Kong Blog and News

Request for submissions to Sexual Offences Sub committee

Brits Beware! UK Citizenship Difficulties

Celine, Lea and Teo's message after the AFHK Holiday Party

Bid at AFHK Silent Auction and treat yourself with Exclusive La Mer products starting 50% below retail value!

AFHK Meets at the Movies to watch Inside Out

The Top Ten Things Parents Must Tell Their Adopted Children

Distinguished Service Award for Jan Henderson

Six crucial things about adoption that you should share with your child

Promoting Resilience in Children

We are delighted to have Mary Wu from Mother's Choice Pregnant Girls Service join us for our Monthly Discussion on March 13

Play a part at AFHK : Volunteer as Adult Adoptee Coordinator!

AFHK is looking for a Treasurer and a Newly Adoptive Families Coordinator!

Thanks to all of you who joined us last Thursday for our event Raising Resilient Children Using Storybooks

AFHK's letter in the South China Morning Post: Help available for parents who adopt

Gary Stephens' interview in the South China Morning Post

AFHK's response to recent media reports concerning adoption

Chair's message!

Celebrate AFHK's 20th Anniversary this year!

AFHK Response to 4 February article on British Chinese Adoptees (UNPUBLISHED)

Mother's Choice CEO responds to SCMP: Delays in Adoption Cause Permanent Damage to Children

Delays in adoption cause permanent damage to children

SCMP: Hong Kong orphans subjected to racism in Britain: report

SCMP: Hong Kong orphans subjected to racism in Britain: report

Authorities to encourage adoptions in wake of fire at Henan orphanage

Authorities to encourage adoptions in wake of fire at Henan orphanage

International Adoptions Plummet Globally (Source: AP News)

AFHK Article in SCMP Family Post

Charity helps adoptive families and adoptees in Asia

Janette Pepall: An Adoption Pioneer

Janette Pepall: An adoption pioneer, by Liana Cafolla

Crystal Kwok of RTHK Radio 3 invited Janette Pepall and AFHK to Kwok Talk today.

Chair's message: Welcome to the start of a new AFHK season!

Dear Members and Friends,

Mina Weight Chair and External Relations

SCMP Letter to the Editor

The Chosen Few (SCMP article on Hong Kong domestic adoption)

The chosen few, by Elaine Yau

AFHK's Ember Deitz Goldstein joins Mother's Choice CEO Alia Marwah and adoptive mom Amy Tadelis on RTHK

SCMP Letter to the Editor

Mina Weight
Chair and External Relations